Take today for instance…I’m “basking in the goodness” of checking “START THE BLOG” off my to-do list. People’s comments are sweet and someone even called to tell me that they were holding me accountable to keep it up, etc. I’ve made a list of different topics I want to write about….even had one mapped out to post today (hey – I had it done last night but wanted to make people wait for it! Hahaha!)
But – in steps SATAN…trying to mess with my head – make me back off and change my focus. This afternoon I’ve heard little recordings going off in my head –
“Yeah Lori – you’re REAL “spiritual”…such a great example…
if only people could see how you talked to your husband this afternoon!”
“Good job girl…way to be supportive of the guy you are proclaiming to
support, respect and love!”
My biggest fear is that this blog will be, “Do what God tells me to write/share…NOT WHAT I ACTUALLY DO!” I soooo don’t want it to be that but – after the “discussion” (Ok…”FIGHT”) that Tom and I had this afternoon…I’m feeling a little defeated! There were tears (mine!), a few raised voices (mine again!), lots of frustration that we didn’t understand each other and some hurtful comments. I’m ashamed and sorry for the way I handled things – I’ve apologized to God and will to Tom as well (when he returns from umpiring a few games tonight…more on that later). Looking back it was probably a discussion that needed to happen, as there were some issues that needed to be addressed…just not the way we choose to “address” it.
But as I sit here now – still sad about the way I handled things, I know that this has MUCH more to do with Satan’s attempt to make me shut the thing down and go along my merry way. I know he HATES to see marriages survive and can’t stand anyone that would speak up and say “I love my unemployed husband and am trusting God to provide for our family...and we ARE gonna make it!”
I’ve been “warned”, in the past, by well-meaning friends that have been concerned that I’ve put my devotion and love for Tom and my family “out there” too much (I know – some of you have gagged on a few facebook status updates!). But – this chick isn’t backing down…I (we) have fought hard for this marriage and for our family…and in a world that makes it look easier to walk away and “try something (or someone) new” – I’m sticking with what I’ve got…it’s just who I am.
So – I say – “Bring It On”.
(gulp…”Ok God…I’m trusting you here!”) ;)
Just keeping it real –