This Is the Woman I Want To Be!

A few months ago I received this really cool invitation (really it was more like a MAGAZINE!) for a conference for women. It was (to be honest) a little “over the top” but – had some awesome photos in it. I was flipping through it (probably a little judgmental - like, “Why did they spend all this money?”… hey - Just keeping it real!) and I was drawn to this one picture - which I’ve added to this posting.

I remember just sitting in my office and staring at it for a few minutes…I couldn’t get myself to turn the page – but didn’t know why. I just kept looking at it and thinking, “Why am I so drawn to THAT?” I cut it out and hung it on my bulletin board and then took a picture of it with my iphone – so I could download it to my computer…still not really “getting” why I liked it so much.

Then it hit me…”THIS IS THE WOMAN I WANT TO BE”…Someone that would just carry around a chair and plop down to sit and enjoy some spontaneous time with a friend. Often in my job (and certainly in my family life) I’m just busy gathering information or doing a task and then moving to the next person/thing. Often I have the “task” in mind – not the PERSON.

The women in this picture “get it” – they stopped in the middle of the road to have connection…to “commune” with each other. I would probably be tempted to say, “Yeah, let’s set a date when we can get together…OK – I’ll call you!” and then try to remember to make that happen. This looks like they just decided to “right here, right now” spend some time together! I LOVE THAT!

I have people in my life that I’ve been saying, “Yeah – we need to have that phone date” (Rhonda- my sweet sister/friend from middle school…I’m sorry) and people that have even ASKED me to give them a quick call (Lisa…ugh/yuck – can’t believe I STILL haven’t called you!), and I just don’t make it happen. I think it’s either going to take too long or I’m already running someplace else…or whatever other lame excuses I give myself at the moment.

So – I’m grateful for some ministry out there that decided to spend WAY TOO MUCH money on their advertising (wait…was that judgmental again?) because, while I’m not interested in going to their conference, one of their photos REALLY has challenged me! I’m ready to just plop down a chair and talk!

Headed to the garage to put two folding chairs in my trunk – Get ready people!!
Lori

"I Call Today" (to FREAK!)

Tom and I have had this “rule”/understanding between us that we both can’t “freak” (regarding his job search/unemployment) on the same day. There are mornings that I get up and am just overwhelmed with fear – and while I know that is not where God wants me, it’s just where I am sometimes. So – we have agreed that we can “call the day” – meaning I can say “Today is MY day” (to freak, be a little cranky, need some reassurance, be MAD, etc.). Tom has the freedom to do the same…sometimes he “calls the day” and that means that he doesn’t need me to be "on him" about “who did you call/contact?”, “did you send any resumes out?”, etc. It’s a “freebie” to let me know that he might not be “all in” that day – and might just decide to spend the morning mowing the yard instead of sitting at the computer or waiting by the phone all day.

I encourage all of the wives out there to offer some grace/freedom to your husbands who are out of work. This is an area that I haven’t/don’t always do “well” (like I BITE at it often). There are moments that I want to jump in, offer “suggestions” (a.k.a. – take matters in to my own hands and tell him what he SHOULD be doing), or just scream “WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING ANYTHING?” I’ve come to realize that that reaction is coming from a place of gripping fear. I’m blessed to know that he really IS doing all that he knows to do…sometimes there just isn’t much that can be done – but wait and pray.

I also want to encourage you to be real with your husband. Let him know when you need an extra hug of reassurance, ask him to pray for you as you struggle with trusting that God DOES have a plan….and it’s for GOOD, or let him know when you need an “update” on how things are going (just to encourage you that “something” is happening…however, sometimes “something” is just posting another resume on a job board!).

Now, I don’t suggest you constantly walk around sharing your feelings of “OH MY GOSH…WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?” or “WE ONLY HAVE A MONTH LEFT AND THEN WE ARE GOING TO STARVE TO DEATH?”, ETC. While you might FEEL that way (and I do understand, believe me, how fear can take over our thoughts and sometimes cause us to go places God does not intend), I have learned it best to find a girlfriend to “vent”/freak with – especially someone that will listen but then ENCOURAGE me. I know that Tom FEELS the stress/weight/reasonability of providing for our family…I need to make sure I’m ENCOURAGING him and letting him know that I believe in him…that I still think he’s the GREATEST provider/husband. It doesn’t do ANY good for him to have additional “I can’t believe you don’t have a job” feelings coming his way – believe me, the enemy is quick to point out to him his “worthlessness” in not having a job. A man’s self-worth is so tied up in what he “does” (not who he IS, in Christ) that Tom feels bad enough – without me giving him ANY indication that I am not trusting that he will be able to provide for us.

I came up with this little “sign”, for Tom, that I needed some reassurance – I tap on his arm or back (when he gives me a hug) 3 times…and this means that I need him to say/remind me, “It’s GONNA BE GREAT”. (The funny part is that I think I did it initially thinking that that sentence had THREE words in it??) Regardless, there are times I just walk up to him and tap him 3 times, and he knows I just need to hear it! Come up with something similar that you both could use to alert the other that you need some encouragement.

I need to be honest and say that I need some accountability with the above…this is ANOTHER area that I’m struggling with…keeping my mouth SHUT and not adding pressure/stress on him. If you see me, feel free to ask me what I’ve done to ENCOURAGE my husband lately.

“IT’S GONNA BE GREAT” – I can’t wait until “great” (in regards to a job) arrives!

Lori

Finding the "Good" in Unemployment.... (Yes - I've found some!)

Well, it’s been a LONG 6 ½ months for our family…and I’d love to say we have remained trusting and at peace 24/7 but – that wouldn’t be the truth. However, while Tom and I have both had “our days”, overall – we are still FIRM believers that “God is Good, all the time…and ALL the time, God is Good!” I don’t know how people in this world make it through a day without KNOWING/believing that.

Currently, it’s 3:30pm on a Wednesday and I’m sitting at a table in Starbucks (with work spread out around me)…across the room, in a “comfy chair”, (the chosen seat) is a really good-looking man that keeps distracting me. I keep looking at him as he sits with glasses on and reading a book…Ok…I’ll just say it, “He’s HOT”!

“He” is also my husband of almost 25 years.

This is one of the “good things” that unemployment provides…some misc moments that would never happen if he was currently sitting in some cubical someplace. Now – don’t get me wrong, we both long (pray faithfully) for the day that he’s “someplace” making some $$ but – for now, in this moment, I’m choosing to praise God for the gift of an hour or two of just “being” with him…and seeing the stress (that this “job search” is causing) erased from his face. This afternoon, on this BEAUTIFUL fall day in Plano, TX – we are both “at peace”.

I encourage those reading this to look for the “good” in whatever situation you are currently in - that you may be “wishing away”. The phrase “Journey Well” keeps coming to mind…that’s what I want to do. I want to see God in EVERY day/situation. Some days are “easier” than others…but, I do know He’s there…24/7! Thank you Jesus!

So – today, in this moment, I’m thankful for an unemployed husband…and the joy I have just looking at his cute self across the room (actually, he looks like he’s about to nod off! Sleep… it’s a good thing!!) ;)

“This too shall pass”…I want to enjoy it while it lasts.

What tough time are you going through that God wants you to find joy in?

Thankful for the “good” in the “bad” times -
Lori

It's Fall Ya'll

I love the fall - it brings a new school year (even though in Texas we begin in August and it's still, usually, over 100 degrees!)...it brings new things to sign up for (classes, kids activities, opportunities at church and in the community) and usually some "new" clothes (can't wait to wear the warm, comfy, sweats from last winter!).

We started a new bible study at my church this week...it was crazy for me to organize it to begin the day after Labor Day weekend...I was alittle stressed from having the family all here and receiving emails all weekend from women that forgot to sign up but wanted "in", etc. So - Monday night I spent some time getting "right" (with God) about the start of the study - and wrote out the prayer below. God prompted me to share it/read it with the women that came to the Morning and Evening study - and a few asked for a copy, so - decided to leave it here. It might not mean anything to those that aren't involved but - just my thoughts on starting "another new study"...from a girl that has participated in her share - and hasn't always gone in to them with the right mindset.

What are you doing this fall? Have you prayed about your committments and what GOD would want you to say "yes" to?

Keeping it real -
Lori

September 6, 2010

Lord:

So many thoughts are running through my head about starting the Tuesday morning and evening bible study tomorrow…first – NEXT YEAR, please remind me not to do this the day after labor day! :)

My heart’s prayer tonight is that we, as a group of women gathering at Chase Oaks, will seek after you, and TRULY engage in your word over the next six weeks. That we will choose to make spending time with you a priority and that your words would leap off the page to the women who will be bold enough to set aside time – maybe for the first time ever. For those women (including myself) that might feel “too busy” during the week – will you prick our hearts and call to us…and allow us to hear your voice and turn our attention to you. For those of us that might be stubborn and still not get it…May our cable go out, our computers not be able to log on to facebook (ouch) and opportunities that only you could orchestrate happen – in order to get our attention.

For those of us that have done study after study – Father, will you pierce our hearts anew with your words. Lord - we have had so many to choose from, been given so many opportunities to learn from great teachers and great material, and now the freedom to AGAIN gather as a group of women to share what YOU will teach us. I pray that we would not take this for granted…that we would not just check this study off a list or add it to the rows of other studies we have done. I pray that THIS would be life changing and that a year from now we will look back and remember the truths we learned at THIS time.

Lord – you know how I’ve grieved as women (in the past) have signed up to participate, only to fall away in a few short weeks. I pray that the women will have an eagerness to be here – that their hearts would be so full of what you have shown them, that they can’t wait to gather to share their thoughts and the truths they found hidden in your word. I pray that those that might struggle will come to be encouraged and that we might love-on and support each other as you would want. Lord, I pray that I would be a woman of my word – one that would keep the commitment that I made when I signed up - to be here/listen to others/spend time with you each week and then come back to share. I pray the same for my friends.

God –forgive me for the times I’ve taken WAY too lightly the gift of the Bible. I know it must grieve you when I casually throw it in the back seat after church…and way too often find it in the same place the following week. Lord, I believe your word is truth and life changing. I believe I’m WAY too careless with the instruction and wisdom you preserved for me – written so many years ago, yet so applicable for my life today. I know that I have much to learn about how to treat your word from people in other parts of the country and world that, if given the chance to own a bible, would cling it to their chest and read it daily...and possibly all night. I know that I mistreat your word – for that I’m deeply sorry.

Lord – I feel you have guided me, as a leader, to this study – in order to bring it to the ladies at Chase Oaks. I thank you for that. Because it is truly YOUR words – straight from the Bible – I know it has the power to transform our lives. Thank you Lord for free-will, that you give us the freedom to choose to make this a priority or not…but oh how I pray that we, that I, would make it a priority the next six weeks. I pray that we would be begin each day asking you to be more real to us than the day before.

I offer you all glory and honor of what will be.

Love, Lori

Living in a state of Exhaustion…

Ever notice that when you are REALLY tired – everything seems like a MUCH bigger deal. Even when I know I’m tried (and grumpy) – I don’t want to admit it or recognize it…until it’s too late. For a week, I've been on the verge of tears (or letting them flow freely!)...and much of that is a result of being tired.

Currently I’m at my office – not because I’m SO busy that I “need” to work on July 4th weekend…but because I’m escaping my house. It’s been 3 & ½ months and my sweet man is still unemployed. While we have been trusting God to provide and give us peace (and believe me – HE HAS!), this past month has been one of little sleep (for both of us) and the stress is starting to show (Wait…who am I kidding…IT’S SHOWING BIG TIME!) . So – due to a “discussion” that we had earlier today (and the need for it not to continue!) – I felt it best to escape to the office to do some thinking, reading, and writing.

This past month I have just not felt well…two trips to the doctor and several prescriptions later (for walking pneumonia and a bladder/kidney infection), I am “better” but still not “great”. I have literally coughed (and peed!) for 6 weeks (was that too much info?). My dad had knee replacement surgery that resulted in complications/other health issues and he’s spent the last 4 out of 5 weeks in the hospital. I’m trying to juggle keeping a teenager occupied (and where she needs to be each day), keep a house “clean” (I use the term VERY loosely!), laundry done, food on the table, and be an encourager to my husband…oh, and try to give my all to my job! I realize that MANY other people have bigger issues and I, truly, am blessed…but the bottom line is – I’m exhausted from feeling the pull of being too many things to too many different people.

I’m hosting a bible study at my house this summer and I’ve LOVED it - God has revealed some important truths to me…one of which is on this subject of our NEED to REST.

Matthew 11:28 – “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you REST.”

I wrote under this verse, “When I am overwhelmed and tired –I should be going to Jesus for comfort/rest. Do I turn to HIM for SOUL rest or do I expect a couple of hours on the couch watching mindless TV to do that for me?”

Ouch – that was convicting…I think I have bought in to the world’s perspective of “rest”. I have begun to think of “rest” as sitting and watching TV…or spending an hour (or two...or three) on facebook to “veg”, spending an hour every Friday reading my newly arrived “People” magazine…or dreaming of going on a “vacation” (that takes weeks to plan, has us running from activity to activity while we are there, and weeks to recuperate from).

A week ago my girls were home and we were all together…I noticed that even when we planned to relax and watch a movie, I was jumping up to switch the laundry and they were either looking something up on the computer, texting, or flipping through a magazine – all while “focused” on the movie?!?. It was so “sick” to me that none of us could even just “sit” and be “still”. No wonder I struggle so much with REST…even when I plan to do “nothing” – I end up doing 3 things at once (and just because I’m sitting down, I call it “rest”?).
I think Jesus has another definition.

Rest: “quiet, silence, pause, peacefulness…relief or freedom from anything that wearies, troubles or disturbs….A period or interval of inactivity, repose, solitude or tranquility…MENTAL OR SPIRITUAL CALM.”

The bible is clear that even Jesus rested (and hello…HE’S GOD!)….and that He commanded His disciples to do the same.

Mark 6:31 – “And He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.”

I’ve been thinking about my “secluded place”…and if I really have one? When was the last time I was there? Today, it happens to be my office – where the only noise I hear is the little fan blowing on my desk and the tap from my fingers on the keyboard. I spent an hour just sitting here – thinking, praying, RESTING. I need to do MUCH more of this…my soul needs it – especially in times of stress like Tom and I are experiencing now.

So – my question to you is –

“Is your soul in need of REST? When the last time you were in a “secluded” place…by yourself... with no distractions (phone/facebook/texting plan?)?”

I need to read the definition of REST above…DAILY…and then seek the ONLY one that truly offers it – my Savior, Comforter, Redeemer and Lord - Jesus Christ. He alone is the restorer of my soul.

Lori

Words - they can change life forever...

There are sentences/groups of words that take your breath away…literally. Sometimes you gasp because the words come from overwhelming joy or surprise…and sometimes it’s from feeling like someone kicked you in the stomach and the air left all together.

Looking back over my life, I’ve experienced both…statements that changed the way life was going – with just one sentence worth of words. Here are just a few…

"Lori - you are forgiven..." (many, many times - thank you Jesus)

“I love you” (September 1984 when Tom said it to me the first time)

“I now pronounce you husband and wife…” (December 28, 1985)

“You are 8 weeks pregnant” (1986)

“I’m sorry…there is no heartbeat…” (Just a few weeks later)

“It’s a girl!” (1987, 1990, 1995!!)

“I love you, Mommy" (thankfully…I’ve heard this a THOUSAND times!)

“Mom, I want to/just asked Jesus into my heart” (Truly blessed that I’ve heard that 3 times!)

“ It’s cancer” (from my mom, mother-in-law, aunt, and more friends than I want to think about)

“Mom, I want to date Phil…” (When Brittney finally figured out what we all knew already!!)

“It’s was a severe injury…you might not ever walk normally again” (October 2007)

“I’m having an affair and plan to leave my husband…” (From a friend)

“Well…he asked me…if he could marry our daughter!” (From Tom – regarding Phil - 2009!)

“Mom – I am so in love with him…” (Breanna – this year)

“Introducing for the very first time…Mr. & Mrs. Phillip Lucia” (March 13, 2010)

And of course…

”Well…we are unemployed….” (March 9, 2010)

The last one is CERTAINLY not the most important (not by a long shot) but – it is our current reality. There have been moments since March 9th that I’ve been a little down/a little “freaked” but truly – I’ve actually been surprised at how “calm” I’ve felt so far. Both Tom and I have a peace about God being our provider and that He TRULY has a plan for us…plus, we have a history of watching God show up in big and “little” (like there is such a thing…HELLO – He’s GOD ALMIGHTY!) ways to bless us/teach us! I truly feel like I’m along for the ride on this one…and while I’m eager to see where we are going – I’m trying to keep my focus on today and what He has called me to for now.

One of the things that I know I’m called to do is to love and support my husband…through this situation and whatever comes with it. God has been speaking to me over and over again…I guess I’m a slow learner! Several weeks ago we attended the “Love & Respect” conference at our church…IT WAS AWESOME. It was truly eye-opening for both of us and we have made some changes as a result. Tom said that if he had known how good/beneficial it was before our daughter got married - he would have made their attendance part of the “requirement” for giving Phil his blessing! (Seriously, that’s how great it was). The last 4 weeks our church has been doing a sermon series on marriage (you can listen to the podcasts at http://www.chaseoaks.org/) and they have been AWESOME. Again, every week God has pointed out his design for me to love (and more importantly – RESPECT) Tom during this season of our life. I often fail miserable…and find that I’m more aware that I need to ask forgiveness almost daily – but I am a work in progress and thankful that my man offers me grace (and so does my Heavenly Father…Halleluiah, Amen!!).

One of the most special sentences/groups of words that recently took my breath away was last Sunday morning. As a final wrap-up to the sermon series, Jeff (our pastor) had those that wanted to, come down front at the end of the service and re-new their wedding vows. It was a cool experience to stand with so many couples – many with tears in their eyes and on their faces, and repeat our vows again. The most beautiful moment, for me, came after Tom repeated what Jeff said, and then added on his own,

“…and I promise to never divorce you”.

It was priceless/precious to me because we had watched our daughter and son-in-law speak those words (which they chose to add) at the end of their vows just a few weeks earlier. I wish we had originally thought to add them to ours (back in 1985) but am even more thankful that Tom thought to add them at THIS time in our marriage…when things are STINKIN hard and when we see so many giving up and walking away.

I’m thankful for a man that is committed to me…and has vowed to never divorce me. However, with that said - I also know that Satan is not pleased with that plan and would LOVE to have our family break apart…especially since we are vocal about our desire to honor God with our marriage. Therefore, I need to make the time and effort to invest in my man and our marriage. I need to be devoted in prayer for him and “us”…knowing that we are both capable of REALLY messing this up if we take our focus off of Christ and serving/loving each other.

So – I’m wondering…what have you done lately to invest in your marriage? Maybe you need to recommit to the vows you said long ago…or maybe you need to start praying daily for your spouse/relationship? Maybe it’s time to reconnect and spend some quality time together?

Please share your ideas & thoughts… remember, I’m still a work in progress and need the help and accountability!! ;)

Just keeping it real -
Lori

It's time for ME to get serious...

So much on my mind…so much I want to write about (job search, family issues, friends, etc.) …but, today I’m thinking I just have to process “out loud” what God is stirring in my heart/what I’m struggling with currently. I’m not sure if this will even make sense…

I was recently involved in a discussion about how “mature Christians” should not need to be “spoon fed”…that as someone that has had a personal relationship with Christ (for a long time) we/they should be able to be “self feeders” – studying God’s word on their own (since they have been “spoon fed” along the way and know how to do it for themselves by now).

This hits home to me because in my job I deal with questions about “Why don’t we have this study available?” and “Why don’t we offer this certain class?” etc. (And the questions usually come from women that have been Christ followers for a LONG time…and have participated in a lot of classes). When I am focused on “them” and “their question”, I can be quick to point out that as a “mature Christian” they should be doing that themselves – studying God’s word, leading a bible study in their own spear of influence, having personal quality time with God, etc.. It’s easy for me to wonder “Why are they not doing that?...They have been taught, they know what do to, they have resources, they have history with how God works and what He says…and I know that THEY know it’s important to make their relationship with God a priority – to keep it fresh and growing. What's up with them...that they need someone to do it for them?”

But... when I turn those questions to ME

(as God has been prompting me in the last few days)…

UGH…

that’s where it gets uncomfortable and,

quite frankly,

causes me to get nauseated.

What about ME?...I accepted Christ as my Savior at the ripe old age of about 10…then made it truly personal in my early 20’s and then became serious about following Him after my children were born. Do I not still want and “expect” to be “spoon fed” at this point? Do I look to someone else to provide me the tools, the “program”, the night of the week/time to study? Do I look to others to challenge me or “make me” study the word?

I work for a church for goodness sake…I help (hopefully) women connect to each other and to Christ on a daily basis. I try to encourage and challenge and work hard to help provide opportunities for women to grow and be developed. But…in the quiet moments when I’m just with my own thoughts – do I still struggle with wanting someone to do the work FOR ME in regards to my relationship with Christ.

Today I’m struggling with “When was the last time YOU, Lori Lynn Eubanks, were CONSISTENT with God on your own…when was the last time you sat, opened His word and just had time CONSISTENTLY with Him – not just to work through a bible study lesson so you didn’t feel “lame” for not doing it…but just because you are so in awe of who He is, that you NEED, WANT, DESIRE to be with Him?”

Please do not misunderstand what I am trying to express (but might be saying poorly) – I am NOT, in ANY way saying that “organized” studies or accountability is not important (dare I say “necessary”). But – what I AM saying is that FOR ME (and maybe for others that have been on this path for a long time), isn’t it time to REALLY get serious about this? Isn’t it time for me to build my schedule around time with Him…instead of fitting him in when I’m in crisis or have a few extra minutes…or dare I say, cause it’s part of my job? (OUCH!) Don’t I believe and know better at this point? Shouldn’t I have moved past the justification part of all this – gotten past the “I really don’t have time” stuff (when I know every contestant on most reality TV shows by name and update face book hourly?)”

So – there you have it. I’m just a girl… on a journey… and admitting that often I don’t want to do the actual WORK that a deeper relationship with Christ requires. I’m quite ashamed to admit that as a “paid Christian” it’s still a struggle for me and that often He is NOT my #1 priority. I just felt the need to “throw it out there” - to admit that I NEED to be in His word…NEED to be spending time COMMUNICATING with Him (for me that means praying…and then SHUTTING UP to listen)…and NEED to reorganize my life so that I’m not “working Him in” but actually putting Him first.

While God has been working on my heart…He’s also been faithful to remind me that GRACE is truly what He is all about! I love that He longs for time with me…even when I don’t “long” for time with Him. The thought of Him standing, looking at me – arms open wide, with a BEAMING smile and pride in His eyes, truly makes this journey worth it. It’s time for me to re-engage some…to get serious about my relationship with the one that gave His life for me.

Where are you in this journey? I'd love to hear about it.

Sorry for the “rant” – hope I made some sense…(but really, it's ok if I didn't to you... This was all about HIM!)

Lori

P.S. Job Search update: still looking (please keep praying)! :)

Grab a Pen...

Someone asked me (after learning about this blog), “What’s the first piece of advice you plan to give regarding job loss/supporting your husband, etc?”. While I have many, many thoughts running through my head, without a doubt my first tidbit would be, “Keep a journal!”

The first time we went though this it was 1997…we began in September and Tom (finally) accepted a new job in July 1998…yep – a whopping 10 months! There were moments during that 10 months that I honestly don’t think I will EVER forget…however, I’m so VERY thankful that I took the time to journal about all the other moments as well.

I have a $2.00 spiral notebook (that I probably received at some women’s conference/retreat or something) that I picked up in 1997 and started recording my thoughts…and most importantly, the ways in which God provided for our family. I will say, without a doubt, that if the house was burning down – this is one “possession” that I would take the time to grab before I ran. It’s precious to me…there are moments that I just pick it up off the shelf, blow the dust off of it (I talk more than I clean!!) and read an entry. At the time, I was just following the advice from a friend that had walked a similar road…so, now I’m passing it along as well…WRITE YOUR JOURNEY DOWN!

I don’t typically “journal” daily…but I think it’s SO important in the times of trial/stress/heartache to have a place to pour out your thoughts of despair as well as record the AMAZING ways God provides. So – if you are walking through something right now – start writing down your thoughts, your prayers, the miracles you witness (look for them…THEY ARE THERE!) and what God teaches you during the trip!

I plan to occasionally share one of the entries from 1997/1998…just because there are amazing stories/miracles that happened – and I’m thankful I have a recording of it…

2/8/98
I started off so well….trying to keep track of the ways God used people to encourage us. I missed many…and wish I would have kept a better account.

This is a time of my life I will never forget…how sad I feel for those who do not have Christian friends, a church home, and family. Thank you, Father, for carrying us during this time…for my relationship with my husband being stronger than ever…and for the way you have worked in our lives.

Thank you that the girls (who were then 12, 10 & 3) really do seem “ok” with the situation and that they pray about it and ask others to pray for our family (in BSF/Sunday School).

Thank you for refreshing my soul as I have read back over this “little book” that I started so long ago. How fearful I was earlier tonight about what tomorrow holds...why do I fear when I think of all the prayer that has gone in to this? Thank you for the hope and comfort you have given me in these moments. Good night – I’m actually excited to see what tomorrow holds!

-------

On a side note…isn’t it interesting that even back in 1998 I was using “quotes” and “…” about every other sentence!! ;)

Start writing -
Lori

"ATTACK" - wow...shocking!?!

So – looking back over your life can you see the “enemy’s attack” when you step out in obedience? Man, I sure can! Should we not EXPECT it by now? Is it just me that sometimes “forgets” and then is shocked when it happens??

Take today for instance…I’m “basking in the goodness” of checking “START THE BLOG” off my to-do list. People’s comments are sweet and someone even called to tell me that they were holding me accountable to keep it up, etc. I’ve made a list of different topics I want to write about….even had one mapped out to post today (hey – I had it done last night but wanted to make people wait for it! Hahaha!)

But – in steps SATAN…trying to mess with my head – make me back off and change my focus. This afternoon I’ve heard little recordings going off in my head –

“Yeah Lori – you’re REAL “spiritual”…such a great example…

if only people could see how you talked to your husband this afternoon!”

and

“Good job girl…way to be supportive of the guy you are proclaiming to

support, respect and love!”

Ugh….

My biggest fear is that this blog will be, “Do what God tells me to write/share…NOT WHAT I ACTUALLY DO!” I soooo don’t want it to be that but – after the “discussion” (Ok…”FIGHT”) that Tom and I had this afternoon…I’m feeling a little defeated! There were tears (mine!), a few raised voices (mine again!), lots of frustration that we didn’t understand each other and some hurtful comments. I’m ashamed and sorry for the way I handled things – I’ve apologized to God and will to Tom as well (when he returns from umpiring a few games tonight…more on that later). Looking back it was probably a discussion that needed to happen, as there were some issues that needed to be addressed…just not the way we choose to “address” it.

But as I sit here now – still sad about the way I handled things, I know that this has MUCH more to do with Satan’s attempt to make me shut the thing down and go along my merry way. I know he HATES to see marriages survive and can’t stand anyone that would speak up and say “I love my unemployed husband and am trusting God to provide for our family...and we ARE gonna make it!”

I’ve been “warned”, in the past, by well-meaning friends that have been concerned that I’ve put my devotion and love for Tom and my family “out there” too much (I know – some of you have gagged on a few facebook status updates!). But – this chick isn’t backing down…I (we) have fought hard for this marriage and for our family…and in a world that makes it look easier to walk away and “try something (or someone) new” – I’m sticking with what I’ve got…it’s just who I am.

So – I say – “Bring It On”.

(gulp…”Ok God…I’m trusting you here!”) ;)

Just keeping it real –
Lori

Seriously Lord? You want ME to be a "blogger"?

Anyone that knows me, knows that I am not short on words. Some people have asked me if I had a blog and have been "shocked" that I (until today) did not! However, when I recently put on facebook that I wanted information on blogging I received both "sweet"/encouraging information AND comments like "Oh my gosh...help us!"

But - this blogging idea, I truly believe, is not my own.

Two weeks ago, as we were preparing for our oldest daughter to marry her prince (my son-in-law ROCKS), my husband was fired from his job of several years. I could use a "prettier" word to describe it but - let's stick with the truth...it was a FIRING! While we were not completely surprised (it hadn't been "great" since he obtained a new boss 3 months earlier), we considered the timing (3 days before the wedding) to "stink" (I might be tempted to use another word but - my mom will probably read this!!). Since our goal with the wedding had been to have it be "God honoring and FUN", we decided to focus on the event and "freak out" the following Tuesday - after everyone left down and the event was over!

My first offical "freak out moment" actually didn't occure until exactly two weeks later....I was driving to work and it was the first time that FEAR (of the unknown timeline) gripped me and the tears began to flow. I found myself admitting to God that I wasn't "happy" with this new plan and wondered why we were going through it AGAIN.....you see, we have been down this road twice before...once for 8 months and once for 10. I had "been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, learned a lot and MOVED on!" As I cried out to the Lord and asked "why?", I immediately heard (not outloud - just sweetly in my head), "Cause I want you to share with others what you have learned...and I might just teach you something new along the way." :)

Immediately I thought, "How am I going to share those things with others? I've always been vocal about how You provided during that time...the miraculous ways You loved/supported/provided for us though miracles and other people...what do You want me to do? Use my status updates on facebook?" (some might be tempted to call me a "facebook junkie"!)

Without a single second going by, "Blog" came to my mind. Again, I've never seriously thought of blogging...didn't know a thing about setting one up...and to be honest - really only follow 2 people that do it. But - God put an excitement in my heart to start!

Even if NO ONE ever reads an entry - I know that I would be dis-obedient if I didn't do this. I know that God asked me to keep record of this journey we are on....AGAIN. I know that I'm to fall deeper in love with Him as our PROVIDER...and I know that I'm to make it available to encourage others. God taught me a lot the first two times...mostly about being a support to my husband (what to do/what not to do) and that GOD IS GOOD - ALL THE TIME (even when we can't see His plan).

So...God - this is for you...do with it what YOU will. My desire is to honor you and obey. I will be honest (not that I have to tell you - as you know my heart already but...I'll put it in writing anyway) that there might be days or weeks that all I can do is say "This stinks" or "Ugh". It's in those moments that I'll trust that you will show up BIG TIME...as you ALWAYS have!

Oh my gosh...I'm officially a "blogger"! :)